Coming to terms

I haven't blogged in so long. As many friends have been saying, what is there to blog about when you have Facebook? Well, we may have something to blog about but not sure how open I can be. It still feels like an open wound sometimes that I just don't want to share. Then I have to ask myself, am I ashamed? Never. Could it help me to put it down in words? Maybe. Am I scared to share? Definitely.

It is so hard to come to terms with the fact that something is going on with my daughter. First, I am so grateful and so glad that she is very healthy, very loved, and very happy. What is hard for me is to know that now it may start to really hit her that she is different. I think when she wasn't talking at 2 we really thought she would come around with some therapy. We went to our first few classes and I saw how well the other kids were responding, and I was SO hopeful. When she wasn't progressing as fast as the others in her class, I started to worry slightly, but it was obvious she was also battling extreme shyness. Really she was also doing so much better compared to where she had been 6 months before. She was communicating with us and picking up new words faster than before.

It's almost a year now since we started with Early On. A year ago Ella would barely answer yes or no questions and now she speaks in 3 or 4 word sentences and even though she won't say "yes", she has several affirmatives. She has lots of words but still nowhere near what she should at her age. I am very proud of her and try to let her know as much as possible. Since we hit three, people expect so much from her and when it doesn't happen for her, I hurt with her. I see it on her face. She has something to say and I want so badly to help her find her voice. She is so silly and has a great sense of humor!

Why am I having a harder time now than before? I think it is becoming more obvious to us that Ella isn't just a "late talker" or simply shy. I have done some research and found a book called "The Late Talker: What to Do If Your Child Isn't Talking Yet" Right away things hit me harder than I expected. There was a chart right in the front on the differences between a delay and a disorder. Ella fit right into the disorder column. The wonderful news is that Ella does not have any other conditions that could accompany speech disorders. She is also talking which is better than some kids. Things could be much much worse.

The book at first depressed me. I kept waiting for the good news like she would grow out of it or it would mean speech therapy for a few years but then we would be done. Instead I read that she may always struggle and may have learning disabilities. Then I started to feel empowered a bit. I have been struggling with what to do next and kind of playing the "wait and see" that everyone has suggested. I am not waiting anymore. We are going to get whatever help we can for her now. Her preschool is great but they can only do so much. Now we just have a lot of phone calls and work to do!