Feeling blessed

There seems to be reminders around a lot lately that are telling me that I am very lucky to have healthy family. I need those reminders. I try to focus on them during these really long days and even longer nights as the horrible sucking machine drains the energy out of me. Also remember it when my almost 3 year old looks at me with those sad eyes because I can't read stories to her, and her little baby brother screams because I am taking too long with the bottle after already sorta nursing for 40 minutes. I am blessed. Little Luke is gaining at an amazing rate and is a very happy baby. Ella is talking up a storm around the house. Today we got the word "banana" instead of the sign for the first time. And she is so happy- most of the time :). I keep telling her that soon baby Luke will be bigger and the three of us will go do so much now that mommy isn't working.

The nursing is coming along ok. I have almost given up so many times but then we will hang out with each other for a few and its like he knows that its his last chance the next time around. We had a very nice Le Leche League leader come help us out Saturday. I knew I was doing all I could but I just wanted to hear if there was still hope. She said she definitely understood my frustration as Luke latched on for several minutes and then just stopped and decided to scream at me and my boob until a bottle arrived. It's been very confusing. She told me she really believes there is still a chance. I am going to give it a couple more weeks. The last 24 hours we have had a lot of good nursing and even avoided a bottle or two. It's progress but it's still exhausting.

Baby is stirring so quickly going to post a couple pics. The first are little Luke. The last two were just today and you can see how big he has gotten. The last of Ella is her new obsession with folding our cloth diapers. It keeps her entertained for hours while I care for baby but it makes a big mess!

Never make assumptions

So I thought this time around, our baby experience would be so much different. What were the chances that we would run into the same issues as with Ella. Ella was jaundiced for at least 3 months for no apparent reason. This led to sleepiness that prevented us from getting the hang of nursing and lots of dr visits. Well, Luke's bilirubin jumped up the second day in the hospital and we have since had serious moments of deja vu. Lots of babies get newborn jaundice but for some reason ours jump the gun and get high really fast. We managed to avoid a night in the hospital this time but did have dr visits every day last week. I was so looking forward to an easier time nursing since I was experienced. Mr. Luke was hard to waken for feedings and lost weight quickly. We supplemented thinking that we would be able to pick up nursing better when he was more alert. He is really loving that bottle though and fighting me every chance he gets. Slowly we are starting to come to terms but its been rough and is a really harsh schedule to follow right now. We have decided we will do it as long as I can stand. I feel slightly cheated but have come to terms with it. Things will be fine. Our baby is healthy and that's all that matters.

I had moments of self pity last week. I couldn't believe we were in the same place again. The jaundice itself was not worrisome but the sleepiness was hard to deal with. Even for bottles, it took a long time to get him awake. He was lethargic and had a weak cry for a day or two, and it was really scary. We beefed him up though. He gained 4 oz in 2 days so dr was happy. I made an appt with a lactation consultant when I noticed he was not doing as well as before. While sitting in waiting area, a little girl started admiring Luke. She told me her baby sister was only 2 lbs and they weren't going to be taking her home. I then noticed the mom and my heart broke for her. She was so tired and sad. I got over my problems then and just appreciated how lucky we are that he is healthy and growing.

I am very proud of Dave and I. We have been trying to be more "green" for a couple years now. We started with recycling, then moved on to getting rid of yucky chemicals, and have been eating organic when we can afford to. So this time around with baby, I decided we should try cloth diapering. Thanks to my brother and wife we had a good start with lots of covers. So with a little investment (less than $100) we have been using the cloth diapers since Friday. It is so much easier than I thought it would be. A little more effort at changing but it is getting faster every time. Everything fits in one load of wash which is also getting to just be routine. I really like the money we will save too!

Baby Luke is 12 days old today!! Check him out sleeping on the Boppy so mom can admire him while she pumps and pumps. (Ella has now added "pump pump" to her vocabulary)

Happy Birthday, baby Luke!!!

***Actually written Saturday and just now posted :) Terribly boring birth story to follow

I know I have been awful at blogging lately. Just grumpy and impatient for baby to come. It has been one of the longest months ever. Every time I went to the doctor I was making progress, and supposedly baby was down and ready to roll since the middle of the month. He just wasn't ready.

So my due date came and went and it was time to talk about a plan. My doctor knew I really didn't want to do pitocin and would like to try to go without an epidural. I knew I could probably make it if we could avoid the pitocin. So when I went in on Tuesday I was surprised to find I had made no progress and was just sitting at 3.5 cm dilated. He really wanted to break my water on Thursday the 30th. I asked what the chances were that we would go without pitocin and he told me 75% and he didn't want to do something I was uncomfortable with. So instead he had me come in for a non stress test for baby first thing on Thurs. I knew that we would end up in the hospital if I had dilated more. Well it didn't even take that. We didn't pass the non stress test. Then I suggested they check me and I was at 4 cm. So we went in to have my water broken.

It was pretty simple and straight forward. Water broken at 12:18. A lot of waiting impatiently for something to happen. Then finally things started to roll. I am told I was really a champ but honestly it wasn't so bad at first. Then when they did get bad, it was too late to do anything about it so then I had to deal. I went from 8 to wanting to push in about 30 minutes. Dr wasn't even around and almost didn't make it cuz I really didn't want to wait :). One horrible unforgettable push and Luke was here! I really didn't even realize I had a baby until they put him on top of me!
What a wonderful moment!

Counting the days...

I didn't realize it had been almost a month since my last update! Oops.

We have been adjusting to many changes in our house lately: me being home, Dave's crazy new schedule which just changed again, and then just getting larger and more tired every day. We were really getting stuff done back in March then the last couple of weeks I was at work, I just got really uncomfortable and so tired. It has stayed that way. I have no energy after lunch. Thankfully now Dave is home in the afternoons and I can get some rest which helped immensely getting Ella down tonight.

Miss Ella- wow I can't even find the words about how she has transformed the last month. She is definitely growing up. Her vocabulary is expanding a bit, but mostly we are amazed at her sentences. She says things like "this is mine. This is mama's. This is daddy's." I have told the story more than a few times now but last week at the park she threw a huge fit when we got to the car and kept pointing at the driver side door and fussing. I told her that was mama's seat and she had to sit in her seat. She blurted out "I want drive!" I was so proud of her getting it out but so sad that it was one thing that definitely wasn't going to happen! There is also a lot of "I want more" "I need more". One of her new ones we are just noticing is you tell her something and she says "I know." There is some definite sassiness but considering she was barely communicating last fall, we will take it any way she wants to dish it out.

With Dave's previous schedule, we had some really hard weeks because I always had dinner and bedtime to run by myself. It was really fun some nights. I was so tired but so wanting to get stuff done after bedtime. I would just lay on the couch and try to find one little ounce of energy to get something done. Instead I would just end up falling asleep at 11 or midnight when I should have just given it up at 9.

We are just waiting now for baby to come. I am still needing to wash baby clothes and cloth diaper stuff. We owe my brother and Jenny a huge thank you for letting us use their covers. We have saved so much money! Now we just need to get it rolling. It really isn't as hard as it seems at all. Even Dave is reassured now.

We have some idea now what will happen next year for Ella. We just need to make our decisions. I know which way I am leaning but I need some more info. Probably will be it's own post!

Baby Update 33 weeks

7 more weeks to go! Ugh. I had my check up today. Everything was fine. Not as perfect as last time. Luke has not been as busy the last few days and I mentioned that to the dr. Since I got to work though, he has decided to bounce around almost nonstop. So no worries though.

This week has been one of the hardest. Thankfully Ella has been behaving really well. Although she hasn't been sleeping well, she is good during the day. The lack of sleep was going to happen anyway cuz I wasn't sleeping either thanks to this horrendous cold I caught. This was the worst cold virus I have ever had. I am finally on the mend (I hope) after I decided to take a day off for once and rest. By day off I mean I didn't work and Ella was at daycare. Now I am feeling better just in time for her to start sniffling. Here's to hoping it won't be as hard on her.

My last day of work is officially the 25th. It is going to be weird for me not to work and not to worry about work. I am really looking forward to it. I really love the company I work for but this pregnancy combined with the endless energy of a toddler is wearing me down. Plus Dave just started a new schedule that is really hard on us. We are hoping that when I do go back to work it will be part time and we will be able to see each other some time.

I hope to have pics to post soon. I keep telling Dave he needs to get a belly pic. I am huge!! I will try to do that soon.

Baby Update week 31.5

I had a baby checkup today. Everything was great. Actually, Dr used the word "perfect". Baby's heartbeat was strong. My blood pressure was great still, and I measured right on track. I felt relieved because I was worried I had really over done it at work this week. I was really uncomfortable and hurting last night when I got home. This baby is so much more aggressive than Ella. Right now he is kicking me right in the ribs. Ella just used to roll around real casual like. So funny how that is exactly how she is most of the time now...real laid back.

Ella went with me to the doctor for the first time in a really long time. She was so good. I was a little sad because I could tell she had lots of questions she was trying so hard to get out, but all she could really say was "mama" and "baby" the there was a bunch of babble mixed in. And as we left, she kept trying to talk to people but nothing much was coming out. I can't imagine how frustrating it is for her to know the words she wants to come out, but not be able to make them. Most of the time she is ok with it but I can see disappointment on her face when people don't really understand her. Dave and I just get her a lot more. Sometimes she will just say two words but because of the situation and where her eyes go, I can tell what she is trying to tell me. Maybe that is holding us back a bit. She is signing a lot too which means that when we aren't around she doesn't communicate much. She is so sweet though and always smiles and says what she can to everyone she meets. She is going to be a great big sister too!

Ella's New Do

So Ella has a lot of hair. I always did as a kid too. Still do really. it just grows a lot. We had been taking her to one of those kids' haircut places but the last time Dave took her she flipped out. Now it is closed. Her hair has been crazy and if I am not here to do it in the morning, Dave has to take her out and about with two flimsy barrettes. I don't think he even wants to learn how to do it. As long as Ella is good about brushing it, we will keep it long but I really wanted her to be able to have bangs she can see through! I kept telling Dave we just need to pin her down and chop her bangs, but he hasn't been home when I am and he was scared to try when I did mention it. Today after her much needed nap, I asked her if she would let me cut her hair. She looked doubtful but didn't say no right away. So I told her if she let me cut her hair, I would get out her scissors to practice cutting. She sat down in her booster seat and let me cut her bangs! She was so good and didn't even flinch. It's not perfect but she still looks cute!